Thursday, 5 April 2018

The evilest fish: Top 10

Do barracudas nourish feelings? Do triggerfish have ethics?
We don't give a damn.
People look for key words like 'evil fishes' and 'killer sharks' and 'marine monsters'. This is a fact. In the name of the web-democracy we will feed all your atavistic fears!
10 - Grey moray
Won't kill you, they have small mouth and teeth, but they look evil. Many people will tell you that grey morays are shy and do not ever come close. Fortunately they are not poisonous, but if you fear them, or you are the kind of guide telling your divers that they are shy... they would do their best to make you feel like an idiot.

9 - Sergeant Fish
Do you love feeding fishes? Do you feel excited by throwing handfuls of ends in the sea in order to get all the fishes teaming around you? Expect all the sergeant of the neighbourhoods to come and claim their share biting your calves, your feet.

8 - Napoleon wrasse
Here's another one that would not be so curious about divers if some diver did not misbehaved. The Napoleon approaches you because of the exotic food your fellow divers gave to him. They fed him on chicken eggs, boiled. Well, the big fish has a powerful telescopic mouth that can crush coral heads. And golf balls. Napolen fish does bite.

7 - Grouper
You did not expected it here in this list, right? If you feed the wild animals you get back just ingratitude, and the grouper is the worst of the ungrateful: it sucks the food and then bites. There is no way  its powerful jaws are going to loose the grip. So expect the skin of your hand to get overturned like a glove! The salt water on the raw flesh would make your experience a memorable one.

6 - Barracuda
A true myth with a perfect physique du rôle, you look at him and you say 'he is evil'! Its nastiness, as in all previous cases, is proportional to the amount o food scattered in the water. The best results are obtained by spraying melted cheese with pressure cans.

5 - Titan Triggerfish
It is as bad as ugly. The titan triggerfish when protects the eggs attacks anyone who approaches the nest. The off-limits area is a cone with its vertex on the nest and gets wider towards the surface. But those of Woodhouse Reef chase out divers of their territory for hundreds of meters, up to Jackson Reef. It seems that they gnaw the shamandoura's to send boats to crashing against the reef.

4 - Torpedo
You are precious surgeon? A missionary? A benefactor? Torpedo does not give a damn. If you touch it gives you a shock of up to 30 amperes and a voltage of 50 to 200 volts, with an effect similar to that of the famous hairdryer in your bathtub: it can can stun you or kill you by frying you straight away.

3 - Clownfish
Nemoooo ???? Yes, and luckily for you it is small!
Do not be fooled by his appearance and by the Disney film. Nemo is territorial and brutally aggressive. Divers often hypothesised of a Post-Fukushima clown fish, a mutant monterfish two meters long. Only the hypothesis would freeze the blood in a whale shark, or in a skin-diver with a gun in hand. Here is the Orange Avenger of the Reefs

2 - Stonefish
You see a sort of camouflaging cluster of warts, a white mouth bouncing here and there on the reef waiting for distracted victims to kill... if you could ever see anything of him.
Here it is, he does not care who you are, who you vote for, if you have a Porsche parked in your garage or if you don't like Donald Trump. It does not give a damn that you are not edible: if you touch it you may find yourself praying that someone will cut that part off of your body.

1 - Villainaut
Did you expect the shark to be here, right? No way! The Villainnaut fully deserves the first place in the Top-Ten. As a perfect ignorant of the rules and diver signal, he strikes divers randomly and without warning, he is just following the unfair outlines of his arrogant ego. He is a real surface calamity that chopps its victim with a sharp propeller. Definitely out of control, the Villainnaut is the fiercest among the sea dwellers.

Now you will say: Yeah, but he is not a fish.
It is plain, he is not. But if I write 'marine species' the web-democracy would not give a click, and the web people and the search engines will ignore this post... and this message.

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